Kill Mario!
Characters *Bowser *Mario *New Luigi *Wawabowser *Men in the Suits: George W. Bush, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Squadala Man, The King, That Sony Guy, Shigeru Miyamoto *Mystery character Script Scene 1 The President's limo is sitting ouside Mario's house as the Men in the Suits close in on it. THAT Sony GUY: Mr. President! Are you all right? What happened to the Black House? BARACK OBAMA: Thank goodness you're here! The guy in that house blew up the Black House and rescued the hostage we had captured inside. SHIGERU MIYAMOTO: Wait...isn't this Mario's house? BOWSER: Yeah! Mario's the guy responsible for all this! THE KING: Oh, look! It's our old pal Bowser! BOWSER: That's right! Let's get that pesky plumber and kill him! KILL MARIO! MEN IN THE SUITS: Yaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!! Bowser and the Men in the Suits charge toward Mario's house, knocking down the door and storming in. MARIO: What the—intruders! Everyone, to your posts! New Luigi and Wawabowser rush to Mario's aid, standing in between him and the Men in the Suits. BOWSER: Hah! You think you two suckers can stop us? The two groups charge at one another, and an epic showdown begins. Scene 2 Cut to Mario's Pad, where the mystery character from before is driving away in a go-kart. ???: Heh heh heh. Now that those two pesky plumbers are out of the way, I can lay low and use my new invention, the Universal Reset Button, to erase history as we know it and reshape it in my image! Now, where should I head first? The go-kart keeps driving as some shuffling and rustling is heard from within. ???: Aha! My map of the Mushroom Kingdom! Now, let's look at some locations... Some more shuffling is heard as the mystery character looks at every part of the enormous map. ???: All right, it's settled. I'm fleeing to the Squadala Empire. I'm sure nobody will find me there. The go-kart drives off into the distance as a driving montage begins. In the montage, the go-kart is shown to pass many landmarks, such as Yoshi's Island, the town of Hyrule, the immense Floating Derp Castle, and even the remains of Squidward's House. Finally, it arrives at the weathered hills of the Squadala Empire. ???: At last. Now I can hide here in peace and security, executing the latest phase of my master plan: figuring out how to erase history in my favor! Scene 3 Cut to Mario's House once more, where the showdown rages on. New Luigi is jumping on the heads of the Men in the Suits, while Bowser is grappling with Wawabowser. BOWSER: Why are you bothering to fight me again? You know I always figure out a way to beat you. WAWABOWSER: Not this time. I got a little present from Mario to help me defeat you! Wawabowser pulls out a Mushroom and eats it, growing about twice as tall as before. WAWABOWSER: Ha! I'd like to see you outwit me this time. Wawabowser kicks Bowser in the nose, sending him staggering backward, as the Men in the Suits capture New Luigi and hold him down. Wawabowser inhales deeply and releases an immense jet of flame, igniting everyone and everything in the room. GEORGE W. BUSH: Aaaagh! My hair is on fire! HILLARY CLINTON: Hurry! Get a fire extinguisher or something! Meanwhile, Mario has disappeared for a short time, then returned with F.L.U.D.D. strapped to his back. MARIO: Attention, everyone! I have the ability to extinguish these flames...but only if you let me become President! BARACK OBAMA: Never! That's blackmail! THE KING: Please, Mr. President! My royal robes have almost burned entirely! HILLARY CLINTON: Look who's talking! My hair is on fire! Aaaaaahhhhhhhh! My head! My head! BARACK OBAMA: Very well. Extinguish us, please. Mario activates F.L.U.D.D., dousing everybody with a fountain of water from its nozzle. Breathing a sigh of simultaneous relief and regret, Barack Obama hands Mario the official papers from his own inaugural ceremony. MARIO: Yes! Finally! Wahahahahahaaaaa! Mario runs outside, hops into the President's limo, and drives away, along with New Luigi and Wawabowser. The End Trivia F.L.U.D.D. was invented by Prof. E. Gadd.